A Magpie Tales post.
Lost on Raven’s Wings
You never saw me looking back
as you cried out to a darkened sky.
The raven, smooth clawed on slick stone,
stood impassive, eyes unblinking as you
bared your heart and a storm-born
fury enclosed your tears.
You never saw me looking back
slipping down with a cold goodbye
dying on my blackened lips.
Swept away by your melt-water river
of tears, as I circled without purchase
scrabbling, unable to deliver
a reason.
You never saw me looking back
as I flew away, a darkness inside
black and coldly sharp as a raven’s eye.
Claws puncturing my heart
a piercing cry echoing the question,
why.
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There is a very poignant longing in this poem – I like it !!
The repetition is very effective. I particularly liked ‘smooth clawedon slick stone.’
Thanks for the kind comments Jo and Earlybird!
oh I like it very very much. Nice job.
Thanks for the comment L.A.!
beautiful.
Very stirring and visual write! Love it!
http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/two-yearning-heart/
such as great job lovely poem and your ending is so sad how you flew away with a darkness inside of you
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/03/memories-and-photographs-of-you/
Thank you The Noiseless Cuckooclock (great name!) and charlesmashburn (equally great!) for your kind comments.
And thank you Sarah – the darkness doesn’t last and the rising sun brings new light…
very amazing,
welcome back and have fun today.
Hi Morning, thanks for visiting, had a lot of fun today!
Lovely
Hi Kristen, thank you for the kind comment.
Why… ? A question that some times reverberates.. throughout our lives…
Lovely verse and i am able to relate to it deeply…
Thanks for sharing. Look forward to your entry in the coming poetry picnic week 8 theme “Friends, relationship… ”
Shashi
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/10/whispers-love-and-loss-butterfly.html
Vividly written. Great read
Here is my entry:
http://jackedwardspoetry.blogspot.com/2011/10/everyone.html
Thanks for the comments Shashi and Jack.
“You never saw me looking back
slipping down with a cold goodbye
dying on my blackened lips.”
The cold goodbye is chilling and the blackened lips, well, what an image!
Namaste……….cj
so much pain, so much darkness makes me wonder why
http://zongrik.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/triolet-vi/
Beautiful and painful… Love the narration!
Thank you CJ, Bat-Ami and magher1 for your kind comments.
moving narrative,
Thanks for sharing.
‘storm-born fury’; I love it.
Thank you The Orange Tree and halfwaybetweenthegutter for visiting and leaving your comments.
Wonderful! It reminds me of the “witch water” that Diana Bishop created when Matthew Clairmont leaves her in “Discovery of Witches” by Deborah Harkness, in which she almost vanishes in the water she created – this poem makes me want to go back and re-read that right away!
Your moniker intrigued me and here a nice read to follow
cool!
enjoy the rally!
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/the-measure-of-appurtenances/
Caridwen, many thanks for your kind comment, that is high praise indeed. I feel humbled.
Life: Between the lines you have an equally cool name, happy rallying…
wow. this is a good poem.
metaphor looming large.
I circled without purchase great line…my favorite here.
good poem…thank you.
Sweet. Very nicely written.
William
Thanks William!
Thanks tinkwelborn for your kind comment, praise indeed!
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xoxox