Slackbladder

Copyright Irish Examiner

General Melchett is at it again. The braying minister for Flooding, Inappropriate Building Schemes (FIBS) and taking Willie O’Dea’s place as government lackey doesn’t think we need an independent inquiry into last November’s floods that decimated large parts of Cork, Carlow and Kilkenny. He’s not convinced that “pointing the finger” is the best way to go even though an Oireachtas Committee report found a complete lack of leadership when it came to reacting to the floods.

Here’s a finger that can be pointed at the pretentious prat and the rest of his World War I type generals -

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Fuck All Interest

FAI Officer's pledge

Well done John Delaney and the FAI for scoring a spectacular own-goal in the same week that the Aviva Lansdowne Road stadium opened. Just when the FAI needed some good publicity to help push those disappointing corporate box sales they have to go and deny Limerick what could be a life-saving friendly against Barcelona.

To make things even worse, the FAI admit that there is a secret criteria for League of Ireland clubs that want to organise lucrative games against glamour sides. It seems that the clubs have to go to the bother and expense of making a fixture and advertising it before the FAI come along and say, “Well that contravenes our hush-hush deal with some company that we can’t name because, like all commercial companies, they don’t want the publicity”. And when asked what the criteria are that have to be fulfilled before a game can take place, the FAI pulls down its fedora, takes a drag on its unfiltered cigarette before drawling, “Kid, you don’t need to know”. And to rub salt into the wound, the FAI have arranged a friendly with Manchester United despite this taking place the evening before Bohs Champions League qualifier – breaking at least two of their own top-secret criteria.

The utter idiocy behind the 1984-type machinations is just staggering. As Emmet Malone points out in his Irish Times piece, the grassroots are now subsidising the FAI rather than the other way around. For too long the FAI have regarded the League of Ireland as an inconvenience instead of promoting it as the highlight of domestic football. They stand indicted for allowing, even encouraging, our best young players to disappear into the maw of the British football machine, to be ground up and spat out if they don’t make the grade.

It seems the Blazer Brigade is alive and well despite Roy Keane’s best efforts to shame them into some sense of decency. This summer sees the idiots close down the League while the World Cup is on. This despite June having the longest, warmest evenings of the year and giving clubs the best chance of getting bodies into stadiums. But no, Delaney and de lads would much rather be in Durban than Dalymount, sucking up to Sepp and in the hope of getting a few crumbs from the fat cats table. Lets hope that, this time, de lads don’t try and flog their ticket allocation to George the Greek.

The League of Ireland will never attract the Priemiershit barstoolers, shouting on their “local” team from Liverpool, London or Manchester. But the FAI could make it easier for families to get to games by making sure they are played at the weekend rather than having to shoehorn them into midweek just because the mandarins want to fuck off to hoover up the cheap booze in South Africa. Its time Delaney and his cronies decided whether they want the best for Irish football or for themselves.

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Out of Control

I'm off to New Zealand...

The latest health service fiasco just highlights the lack of leadership and responsibility in this country. The Minister for Health has abdicated any responsibility to the HSE, while enjoying a two-week break in New Zealand at our expense. The HSE say that it only found out about the x-ray problem last week (while also landing Fat Harney right in it by implying she knew about it in December). Professor Brendan Drumm, the very same person that received a big performance related bonus last year, has shifted responsibility for the debacle onto Tallaght Hospital. 

The Tallaght Hospital currently has a board of 22 members, almost as many as the Cabinet that supposedly runs the country. This is despite a recommendation from Price Waterhouse Coopers that the board be cut drastically. Oh, and the HSE has never taken up its seat on the board – how can they possibly hope to know what is going on there or have any influence on the proper governance of the hospital? The former chairman, Alan Gillis refuses to take any responsibility for what went on under his watch and is desperately clinging to his seat on the board. The current chairman designate, Lyndon McCann, claims he didn’t know about the extent of the problem, which should be enough to disqualify him from stepping up to the chair. 

While all this was breaking where was the Taoiseach, the supposed leader of the country? Carrying a bowl of wilted greenery to give to Obama. He is keeping abreast of everything he claims and he has utmost confidence in Fat Harney and thinks she’s doing a splendid job. Well, she’s certainly following Clowen’s example of being responsible for nothing and leading us nowhere. 

Further evidence of the complete lack of leadership and responsibility is Clowen’s inability to deal with the problem of Sweary Mary. Coughlin’s cock-ups are proving to be an embarrassment to the government (if that is possible). It seems that the IDA are reluctant to ask for her to go on further trade missions such is her inability to behave appropriately. Joining Sweary in showing themselves, and us, up is Conor Lenihan - a junior minister in Sweary’s Department. The Irish Daily Mail claims that he was on a “Drink till you drop junket” in Vietnam. There must be something in the water in that Department.

Clowen has a chance to act decisively this week when he reshuffles the cabinet but all indications are theat he will prefer to split up Government Departments rather than address the problem of under-performing Ministers. So, expect to see Sweary remain as Tánaiste but with a much reduced Department that should give her less opportunity to fuck things up. 

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The Brady Bunch

The increasingly irrelevant Catholic church still refuses to face up to its obligations and responsibilities for the litany of child sex abuse cases in Ireland. The putative head of the church in this country, Cardinal Sean Brady, has invoked the Nuremberg Defense in order to excuse his inaction in the case of Fr. Brendan Smyth in 1975.

However, the increasingly loud calls for Brady’s resignation miss the point. At the very least, Brady knew of criminal acts committed by Smyth and did not inform the police. This itself is a criminal offence. At the other end of the scale, there could even be a case made for conspiracy as Brady’s inaction may have facilitated Smyth in continuing to abuse children for almost twenty years up to 1994.

Brady should be in custody. The celice wearing Minister for Injustice, Xenophobia and Jail-for-all should be demanding that the DPP (Director of Public Prosecutions) take some action. We need justice. The children need justice.

The sooner we remove this cancerous church from any sort of control in our society the better. We should start with Brady and continue by removing control of our primary schools from this malevolent and pernicious organisation. Patrick supposedly removed the snakes from Ireland, unfortunately what he left in their place is a lot more slippery and dangerous.

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Real, Real Gone…

It was probably Harold Wilson, well known pipe-smoker and adulterer, that said, “a week is a long time in politics”. But even ‘Arold would have choked on his Kendal Dark Shag at the goings on in Irish politics in the last while.

First we had George ‘Glee’ Lee deciding that his all-singing, all-dancing skills were being wasted in the chorus line of Enda’s Entertainment Troop. George is currently appearing at a church near you in the lead role of Jesus Christ, I’m a Celebrity Economist, Count Me the Fuck Out of Here.

Then we had Deirdre de Niqab Burca, with an uncanny inability to connect with an electorate, posting one of the most poisonous resignations since Roy Keane deserted in Saipan. Poor old Deirdre, can’t even be recycled to Europe.

Next was the armour-plated moustache that underwent a very close shave because of Boyle’s law tweet. Willie just couldn’t keep it up anymore and went off quietly into the night. Yeah, right, he did more moaning than a Trinity graduate on Frontline.

Finally, it was Trevor Sargent, busted down to private. The former ex-leader of the Greens proved that the Minister for Horticulture was the biggest cabbage of the lot.

And what would Wilson have made of this sorry lot? He probably would have asked Captain Mainwaring, “do you think thats wise?”…

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Blind Justice?

What happens to people in this country when they get to a position of power? Do they just subscribe to the adage that power corrupts? Or maybe its as simple as living in a culture where there is no responsibility and it doesn’t really matter what you do as you will not be answerable. Even the language of power doesn’t acknowledge that doing wrong must lead to some sort of punishment. Dáil deputies cannot be called liars in the Dáil, no they tell untruths or omit to tell the truth. If we did the same we would be liars and quite rightly so. Power is facilitated in this by the lack of action by the police and the courts.

Limerick Gangster (from http://www.independent.ie)

Willie O’Dea told ‘untruths’ to the High Court. According to himself he forgot what he had said in a taped interview three weeks prior to the signed affidavit to the High Court. Actually what he did was perjure himself. Perjury is a criminal offence yet O’Dea has not been charged with the crime, let alone arrested for it. O’Dea doesn’t even recognise that he is further diminishing the standing of politics in this country.

The Catholic bishops of Dublin colluded with and facilitated the abuse of children in Dublin. This is another criminal act. Yet, as with O’Dea, the authorities have been silent on the issue. The bishops went off to Rome to kiss the pope’s ring (insert your own appropriate gag). They got a bit of a telling off and then listened as the weasel-faced bastard tried to blame a lack of faith for preponderance of paedophiles in the Irish institution. These bishops should be in handcuffs and chains and not colluding in writing a pastoral letter that will absolve them and put the blame back on the victims.

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Begging for it

From Dermot Ahern’s (Minister for Injustice, Xenophobia and Jail-for-All) website:

There are various reasons why the law on begging needs to be reformed, not least the fact that some vulnerable members of the public are often fearful when approached on the street by individuals begging.

Intimidation and threats of violence are sometimes used by these people and women and the elderly are often fearful for their own personal safety.

At last he’s doing something about politician’s begging canvassing for our votes…

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Overdrawn Directors Continue Earning

So long, suckers...

Jim Flavin must be laughing up his very expensive designer shirt sleeves today. The state regulator on all things corporate, the ODCE (Only Dickheads Can Enter), has decided that Flavin is a model upright citizen and a shining example to us all. In 2008 Paul Appelby, head of the ODCE (Our Directors Completely Exonerated), had established an investigation into Jimbo and his mates in DCC (Duping Cretinous Counsel) led by an SC (Superior Carrion) Bill Shipsey.

Obviously Shipsey’s report must come as some surprise to the five judges of the Supreme Court who ruled that the Fyffe’s trading information that Jimbo held was price sensitive and would have a negative effect on Fyffe’s share price. For more background, Ireland.com has a timeline of the important events.

Apparently, Shipsey based his findings on a cosy wee chat with Jimbo and found him to be an extremely nice man, kind to animals and good with children. Indeed, Jimbo didn’t realise the information he possessed was price sensitive or would have an effect on Fyffe’s shares. And who could doubt that finding? After all, Jimbo has only a mere thirty-odd years share dealing experience and wouldn’t know all the finickity little laws around directors’ responsibilities and could hardly spell insider dealing. In fact, it’s a wonder that the ODCE (Organising Dances: Creating Enjoyment) would even make a fuss about a ensuring our corporate laws were upheld, sure its only the Supreme Court that was bothered about this little matter in the first place.

Now that Jimbo has been given a gold star, expect him to be named as the head of the banking inquiry.

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Sunday, em Wednesday Miscellany

Natural Selection
The 2009 Darwin Awards Nominees are up, check out
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2009.html
. My own favourite is the woman that died trying to save her moped.

Remote Control
With a bit of luck the Government will miss Gabon’s reform of Civil Service lunch breaks. It’s interesting that in what is supposed to be a knowledge economy that there is such a reluctance to have Civil Servants avail of teleworking. The Department of Finance claims that it is too expensive to equip our homes with office furniture and that there are health and safety issues (our houses become more deadly if we work there, apparently). And there is also a concern about remote linking to Departmental computer systems. However, if we really want a flexible work force equipped to deal with the demands of a fast changing society then we need to look at this type of working. Taking the last few days into account I wonder how many civil and public servants availed of annual or flexi leave to avoid battling the elements to work. At least if they had the option of teleworking they would have been productive.

End Credits
It’s always sad when people who we respect have to take their leave but the last week saw two of my particular (and peculiar) favourites take their final bow. Michael Dwyer has been one of the more interesting and knowledgeable film critics of the past 25 years or so. I remember coming across him first in the In Dublin magazine many years ago and when he established the Dublin Film Festival with Myles Dungan. While I might not have agreed with everything he wrote I did admire his style of writing and the way he supported the film industry in Ireland. He was particularly good at interviewing film makers and the last time I saw him was at the 2007 Dublin International Film Festival when he presented Gabriel Byrne with a Volta and the following interview was fascinating. Dwyer set the bar for critics and he will be sadly missed although Daniel Day-Lewis said during his eulogy that he was relieved that Michael Dwyer never got round to seeing ‘Nine‘.

Another who turned his last sod was the landscape gardener John Cushnie. Cushnie had been part of Gardeners’ Question Time on BBC Radio 4 for the last fifteen years. GQT is a typically English institution, combining wisdom with wit and eccentricity. Cushnie could be forthright in his opinions but he had a wicked sense of humour and wasn’t afraid to send himself or his fellow panelists up. As a working gardener he had a real insight into the struggles of the (extremely) amateur genus.

Bow the Knee
Biffo is a creationist. He’s also a master of spin – at a time when we are dramatically cutting our aid to Africa he is patting himself on the back about the work we are going to do to help prevent climate change in the third world. We would have been better served if Biffo had pointed out the inadequacies of the Pope’s response to the Ryan and Murphy reports of 2009. In fact we would have been better served if Biffo had just kept his big mouth shut.

We are all individuals
Bit of a kerfuffle over at Twenty.

Jehovah
Apparently, it is now illegal to blaspheme in Ireland.

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Catch Up – Part Two

Well earned bonus

One story that the Government tried to bury on Christmas Eve eve looks like growing legs. The decision to reverse the pay cut given to top civil servants is up there with John Bonham having one more for the road. The idea that these well paid servants of the people had been hard done by in having their bonuses removed last year is laughable.

For a start, I don’t recall any of these mandarins not receiving a bonus, certainly all the top management in my Department always got their bonuses regardless of output of their various Divisions. As well as that, the bonus was supposed to be performance related but I don’t recall any criteria being applied by which performance could be measured. I’m sure there is a Department of Finance circular detailing the criteria but life is too short to be reading their bullshit.

The mainstream media is slowly turning its attention to the story. Scary Carey in the Times had an unusually well-written piece that actually addressed the issue and managed not to mention any of her auctioneer/county council family members – a first for her, I think.She hits the nail on the head when she says that this is all to do with saving the pension arrangements of the top rank in our public service. And who could bet against the Government reversing their own pay cuts when the Dail finally gets round to reforming politicians expenses?

What the reversal actually boils down to is that the top management of civil servants will take a pay cut of about 4 per cent. That is almost half of what I am being hit with (6.5% from this week). Yet, I will be expected to do more work this year due to the amount of people who have retired in the past four months (my Department will lose 20% of its staff) while our top management will not have any extra burden on their shoulders.

There isn’t much public support for civil or public servants at the moment but over the next few months we are going to witness a considerable reduction in the level of service delivery from the public sector. This will not be our fault but you can be sure that Cowen and Co will spin it, with the cooperation of most of the media, that we are the ones to blame, yet again. It’s just a shame that we aren’t more militant in this country, otherwise that shower of inept wankers in the Dail would be cowering like dust mites in front of a Dyson.

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