‘Twas a rare and pleasant sunrise that didst greet our Merry Band as we parad’d our way hither and yon to the manor of Michael Byers, Gentleman of the parish of Booters Town, on this past Lord’s Day. Whilst some dally’d ‘pon the way, to takest pleasure at the fine sight of Stately Gary Burrows, Esquire, wielding his broad Batt in practice at the Home of the Foxes of Pembroke. Others, being mindful of the great Repast being lovingly prepar’d by Mistress Lucy, hurry’d without undue delay to the Byers’ abode, whence we feast’d ‘pon such goodly food that has never before been seen by such glad eyes. A full haunch of venison with associated vittals and offal was provid’d by the Lady of the Manor, alongside skeins of press’d juice from an exotic fruit, simply named ‘Orange’.
Replinish’d by this Feast and smartly attired in fancy red Jerkins, the Merry Troop, with a full Train of apprentices and accompanying Wellwishers, and, indeed, with associat’d ne’er do wells, didst sally forth ‘pon their mighty Steeds to the Fields of the Cloth of Green, at the home of the Merrion Cricketing Fraternity. Verily, never a sight was thusfar seen, as this fine Body of Manhood didst provoke fear unto the very hearts of their Illustrious Opponents from the Shire of Knockharley and didst also provoke gasps of Amazement and Longing from the Comely Maidens that didst assemble on the banks to bear witness to this proud Army of Men as they preparest to give glorious Battle to the enemy. Young Master Noah joined the appreciative Throng, proudly dress’d in red Doublet to give voice to Cheers and Hurrahs.
A Groat was toss’d full into the Air to decide ‘pon the Order of Battle. Alas, for Squire Byers, he didth loseth the Toss but Girding well his Loins didst enter the Pavilion and thus call’d for a great Fury to fall ‘pon the Batters of Knockharley. Young Jack Balbernie, Apprentic’d to Master Spinner Leonard didst take up the Gauntlet and fire the first mighty blows. Forsooth, such Consternation and Confusion didst ensue amongest the Limbs and Minds of the Valiant Yeomen of Knockharley that Verily three of them were swiftly Dispatch’d. Mr Vulker, a Foreign Person, and Master Wallace of the Redhead, toil’d Manfully and Dutifully but with little good Fortune and deserv’d some better Reward. Journeyman Smith was not seen to his best effect and soon Viscount Steve of the McCarthys and Baron Senior, from the esteem’d County of Sussex, ran a Rout through the ranks of the Interlopers. But one Man deem’d the Honour of Knockharley import enough to cause Difficulty for the Men of Pembroke. That Falstaffian Chap, whose name I know naught of, didst Percevere until close to the End. Soon, twas over and the two Enemies conjoin’d over a modest repast.
‘Pon the Resumption of Battle, the long Batts of Smith and Sam, son of Byers, didst get to a quick away. Alas, for Smith the true aim of Simba, mighty of Shoulder, saw fit to bowl down the Wick’t and caus’d him to retire to Ponder his Fate. But this Mischance saw Young Balbernie stride like a veritable Collossus to join his Good Friend Sam and together they, with much Skill and Care, did face down the Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune. Alas, with Victry within sight, occurred the most Puzzl’ng and Singular Pembroke Collapse, Stately Burrows broad Batt did not Trouble for long and Viscount Steve didst call for his Helmet and Perish. But Huzzah for Master Tucker and Brian of Bannigan, proudly wearing the Favour of Fair Emma, those Stalwart Fellows didst punish Knockharley mightly with Thrusts and Parries and strong Blows to yon Boundary. Victry was well met and a pleasing Speech did come foresooth from Squire Byers. And didst Sharpe, the King of Leinster, anoint the Victors with Medallions and a fitting Cup, that was soon o’erflowing with Foaming Ale and fine French Brandy. And all that remain’d was the Victry March to the home of those Fine Men of Pembroke where Bells were rung and Songs were compos’d to the Honour and Glory of the Fifths of that Ilk.