Bogey Men

So, we have an ex-Finance Minister and current Taoiseach (that’s Irish for incompetent buffoon) who claims that in accompanying Sean Fitzpatrick in 18 holes of golf and an 18 course dinner he never once discussed the malaise at Anglo-Irish bank. If you accept that barely believable premise then the question is – why the fuck didn’t he discuss the situation? Or more importantly, why didn’t he wrap a five-iron round Fitzy’s neck for breaking our whole economy? And nice to see Fitzy’s old friend Drumm backing him up.

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Get Up, Stand Up

Watching the hubris coming from the Peter Griffin press conference this evening has made me angrier than an All Black hooker accused of a headbutt. Its bad enough that he, Bertie and the previous inept idiots as Ministers for Finance ran a coach and four through our economy but now he has the audacity to say that his budget and his four-year plan must be passed before he will even think about seeking a mandate from the people.We should be the ones to decide what sort of budget we are going to suffer. Nothing that Griffin has done or said has been in the “national interest”, it’s all just to keep him and his party of nepotistic crooks in office.

Fianna Fail have treated us like dirt for too long now and its time we stood up and gave them a good kicking. They should be forced to go if they won’t do it voluntarily. As we seem to be heading back to the bad old days of the 80s, lets at least bring back the anger and energy that was evident in Toxteth and Notting Hill when Thatcher was destroying her country. For too long the citizens of this state have been passive victims of a Progressive Democrat/Fianna Fail philosophy that has just about destroyed everything good about our society. We need new political thinking in this country but that means we, as citizens, have to play an active part. Its time to reclaim what we’ve lost and if they won’t go gently into the good night maybe its time for an old fashioned riot…

If anyone can be bothered, Morgan Jones, is having a silent and peaceful protest outside the Dail at 12 noon on Thursday 25th. Personally, I would be inclined to bring a big stick and a bag of rocks but maybe we start silent and build up to something a bit stronger. As Shane Hegarty put it: Brian Cowen appears to be playing a political game of chicken. And we’re all passengers in the car.

Time to get moving folks…

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The Politician has been drinking…

PJ and Enda have one for the road

If it’s good enough for Bobby Alyward its good enough for Cork Fine Gael TD, PJ Sheehan. It all comes back to the culture of the rural redneck downing his pints and piling into his motor to weave his weary way home. After all, its his god-given (or was it De Valera?) right as a daycent skin and salt of the earth gombeen to do what the feck he likes. And not only that, as an elected official it’s practically his duty to abuse the subsidised bar and then abuse the cop that tries to prevent him exercising his full rights as a higher Power (prefer Jameson myself).

What the whole unedifying spectacle shows is that deference to politicians is still alive and well among the police force. The lady in blue should have arrested the ignorant old twat and slapped him in the slammer overnight. If only there was an independent witness present on that 8th July night that could corroborate what actually happened and back up the cop in question.

But wait, there was someone and that someone is a well-respected party leader who decries politicians abusing their positions or gaining favours just because of what they are. Step forward Enda Kenny, PJ’s boss, who immediately leaped to the defence of…PJ Sheehan by telling the policewoman to ignore what Sheehan had said about ruining her career. And Kenny wasted absolutely no time at all (whats two months in politics?) by asking Sheehan to reflect on his own position. Of course, Kenny was in no way influenced to act by the leaked police report into the whole affair.

This is the quick, decisive and unblinkered leadership that the country is calling out for. Its enough to make you cry – or emigrate.

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Banana Republic

Separated at birth?

Did Fianna Fail evolve from the Sinn Fein party of 1905? Are the Lenihan family an example of Survival of the Fittest at play in the political world or just some sort of horrific genetic mutation? Is Charles Haughey a Missing Link? These questions could have been answered this evening by Conor Lenihan, Minister for Pseudoscience, Irrationality and Superstition at the book launch of The Origin of Specious Nonsense, by his good friend and constituent, John J. May.

Alas, it emerged late last night that Lenihan has pulled out of the launch. Perhaps he’d had enough of dealing with the unevolved at the Fianna Fail “think”-in down in Galway at the weekend. This is a pity as I’m sure the intellectual heavyweight that is Lenihan would have had all the facts at hand (or opposable thumb) to destroy the non-scientific arguments put forward by May.

And in a startling attempt to show that the Neanderthals didn’t actually become extinct, our glorious leader might have turned up pissed on Morning Ireland today.  Of course, its our fault that we elect these primates. Maybe we’re not as evolved as we’d like to think.

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Slackbladder

Copyright Irish Examiner

General Melchett is at it again. The braying minister for Flooding, Inappropriate Building Schemes (FIBS) and taking Willie O’Dea’s place as government lackey doesn’t think we need an independent inquiry into last November’s floods that decimated large parts of Cork, Carlow and Kilkenny. He’s not convinced that “pointing the finger” is the best way to go even though an Oireachtas Committee report found a complete lack of leadership when it came to reacting to the floods.

Here’s a finger that can be pointed at the pretentious prat and the rest of his World War I type generals -

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Real, Real Gone…

It was probably Harold Wilson, well known pipe-smoker and adulterer, that said, “a week is a long time in politics”. But even ‘Arold would have choked on his Kendal Dark Shag at the goings on in Irish politics in the last while.

First we had George ‘Glee’ Lee deciding that his all-singing, all-dancing skills were being wasted in the chorus line of Enda’s Entertainment Troop. George is currently appearing at a church near you in the lead role of Jesus Christ, I’m a Celebrity Economist, Count Me the Fuck Out of Here.

Then we had Deirdre de Niqab Burca, with an uncanny inability to connect with an electorate, posting one of the most poisonous resignations since Roy Keane deserted in Saipan. Poor old Deirdre, can’t even be recycled to Europe.

Next was the armour-plated moustache that underwent a very close shave because of Boyle’s law tweet. Willie just couldn’t keep it up anymore and went off quietly into the night. Yeah, right, he did more moaning than a Trinity graduate on Frontline.

Finally, it was Trevor Sargent, busted down to private. The former ex-leader of the Greens proved that the Minister for Horticulture was the biggest cabbage of the lot.

And what would Wilson have made of this sorry lot? He probably would have asked Captain Mainwaring, “do you think thats wise?”…

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Blind Justice?

What happens to people in this country when they get to a position of power? Do they just subscribe to the adage that power corrupts? Or maybe its as simple as living in a culture where there is no responsibility and it doesn’t really matter what you do as you will not be answerable. Even the language of power doesn’t acknowledge that doing wrong must lead to some sort of punishment. Dáil deputies cannot be called liars in the Dáil, no they tell untruths or omit to tell the truth. If we did the same we would be liars and quite rightly so. Power is facilitated in this by the lack of action by the police and the courts.

Limerick Gangster (from http://www.independent.ie)

Willie O’Dea told ‘untruths’ to the High Court. According to himself he forgot what he had said in a taped interview three weeks prior to the signed affidavit to the High Court. Actually what he did was perjure himself. Perjury is a criminal offence yet O’Dea has not been charged with the crime, let alone arrested for it. O’Dea doesn’t even recognise that he is further diminishing the standing of politics in this country.

The Catholic bishops of Dublin colluded with and facilitated the abuse of children in Dublin. This is another criminal act. Yet, as with O’Dea, the authorities have been silent on the issue. The bishops went off to Rome to kiss the pope’s ring (insert your own appropriate gag). They got a bit of a telling off and then listened as the weasel-faced bastard tried to blame a lack of faith for preponderance of paedophiles in the Irish institution. These bishops should be in handcuffs and chains and not colluding in writing a pastoral letter that will absolve them and put the blame back on the victims.

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Begging for it

From Dermot Ahern’s (Minister for Injustice, Xenophobia and Jail-for-All) website:

There are various reasons why the law on begging needs to be reformed, not least the fact that some vulnerable members of the public are often fearful when approached on the street by individuals begging.

Intimidation and threats of violence are sometimes used by these people and women and the elderly are often fearful for their own personal safety.

At last he’s doing something about politician’s begging canvassing for our votes…

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Sunday, em Wednesday Miscellany

Natural Selection
The 2009 Darwin Awards Nominees are up, check out http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2009.html. My own favourite is the woman that died trying to save her moped.

Remote Control
With a bit of luck the Government will miss Gabon’s reform of Civil Service lunch breaks. It’s interesting that in what is supposed to be a knowledge economy that there is such a reluctance to have Civil Servants avail of teleworking. The Department of Finance claims that it is too expensive to equip our homes with office furniture and that there are health and safety issues (our houses become more deadly if we work there, apparently). And there is also a concern about remote linking to Departmental computer systems. However, if we really want a flexible work force equipped to deal with the demands of a fast changing society then we need to look at this type of working. Taking the last few days into account I wonder how many civil and public servants availed of annual or flexi leave to avoid battling the elements to work. At least if they had the option of teleworking they would have been productive.

End Credits
It’s always sad when people who we respect have to take their leave but the last week saw two of my particular (and peculiar) favourites take their final bow. Michael Dwyer has been one of the more interesting and knowledgeable film critics of the past 25 years or so. I remember coming across him first in the In Dublin magazine many years ago and when he established the Dublin Film Festival with Myles Dungan. While I might not have agreed with everything he wrote I did admire his style of writing and the way he supported the film industry in Ireland. He was particularly good at interviewing film makers and the last time I saw him was at the 2007 Dublin International Film Festival when he presented Gabriel Byrne with a Volta and the following interview was fascinating. Dwyer set the bar for critics and he will be sadly missed although Daniel Day-Lewis said during his eulogy that he was relieved that Michael Dwyer never got round to seeing ‘Nine‘.

Another who turned his last sod was the landscape gardener John Cushnie. Cushnie had been part of Gardeners’ Question Time on BBC Radio 4 for the last fifteen years. GQT is a typically English institution, combining wisdom with wit and eccentricity. Cushnie could be forthright in his opinions but he had a wicked sense of humour and wasn’t afraid to send himself or his fellow panelists up. As a working gardener he had a real insight into the struggles of the (extremely) amateur genus.

Bow the Knee
Biffo is a creationist. He’s also a master of spin – at a time when we are dramatically cutting our aid to Africa he is patting himself on the back about the work we are going to do to help prevent climate change in the third world. We would have been better served if Biffo had pointed out the inadequacies of the Pope’s response to the Ryan and Murphy reports of 2009. In fact we would have been better served if Biffo had just kept his big mouth shut.

We are all individuals
Bit of a kerfuffle over at Twenty.

Jehovah
Apparently, it is now illegal to blaspheme in Ireland.

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The Emperor’s Old Clothes

Listening to John O’Donoghues self-serving resignation speech I was struck by some of the rhythmical similarities to the Dr. Seuss books. So, I have re-written his speech in the style of Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham. Apologies to all Dr. Seuss lovers out there…

I do not like the news on Foxe
I do not like his little knocks.
I will not say sorry, no not at all
I will not say sorry, for ignoring the Dail.
I am my own man, I am
John I am and fair I am.

I like this office and its green robes
I like to talk but not disclose.
I am my own man, I am
Why, John I am and here I stand.

I do not like that little Foxe
I want him put back in his box.
I do not like him, no not at all
Because of him I have to fall.
I just want to have a chance to say
That I really, really want to stay.

But as Foxe is bad so Gilmore worse
And because of him I really curse.
And why did I not reply,
You ask me, why, why, why?
Because my green robes would not let me speak
And bade me silent and kept me meek.

But when that Foxe asked for my sums
I gave them to him and his chums.
And the day I chose, why I thought it wise
Not to distract from the Lisbon lies.
The figures, you see, might have caused some
To vote No in that referendum.

I am my own man, I am
John I am and proud I am
That I was always fair and straight
Even to Gilmore and his Sinn Fein mate.

I am my own man, I am
John I am and honest I am
I only did the same as most
But I’m the one that has to leave my post.

I will not listen to all you hacks
With your untruths and half the facts.
I will only listen to my very good friends
On whom my ministerial pension depends.

I am John, I like to fly
I like horses and this is why;
For every bet that I ever laid
I did it for Ireland and never got paid

I am my own man I am
John I am and public I am.
I always managed to obey the rules
And never took money
For those swimming pools.

I do not like this Foxe and now
He has made me sad and this is how;
He took my costs from long ago
When we had cash and couldn’t said no.

And then he made it look even worse
As if I destroyed the public purse.
But I acted in all good faith
And only took my due, my golden weight.

I am John and I like planes
I go by limo and not by trains.
But this is normal, can you not see
For a ministerial man like me?
I go to Hong Kong, Venice and Cannes
Because I am a very artistic man.

And when the Foxe adds the cost of these
Yes, it looks like money grew on trees.
But I had to take my servants and wife
To ease my not so privileged life.
For I was working, not having fun
When I laid those bets at ten to one.

I am my own man I am
John I am and local I am.
But its not all green robes and the traveling man
I’m Bob the Builder and yes I can
Put up stadiums, pools and centres
For opera buffs and tourist ventures.

I never took, I never would
I never took, I never could
I am my own man I am
For I am john, that’s who I am.

And as I stand here to say farewell
There are one or two things I must tell.
Gilmore was not being fair
When he told me I had to leave my chair.
It is not right, it is not just
But leave my green robes I must.

But I warn you that this House will fall
If Foxe gets his snout into the claims of all.
And then you will see what comes to pass
When you are thrown out on your ass.
For I will have the last laugh you see
When re-elected by South Kerry.

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